So much to say ... Not much time! I will try to post this afternoon :)

Busy few days here... Lots on my mind. 

Today, I am just feeling incredibly grateful for what I have. 

I was exposed to all kinds of abuse growing up. I didn't grow up in a loving, stable home. I had every excuse to get caught up in the wrong crowd... Flunk out of school... Get hooked up with a guy who didn't love me, as I looked for love. I can think of all kind of things I could have chosen, or felt forced into. I WAS forced into some awful things... But somehow I made it through. Somehow, there were good influences there. People I saw and wanted to be like. People in my life who tried to help me, even as their own hands were tied. There was obviously divine intervention more than once. I was blessed with intelligence... And that gave me the knowledge & strength to know I could seek better. So, I did. 

I got my tuition paid for in college with my grades... Worked hard... Got a degree... Got OUT. 

Praise God, I got out. 

The day I met Jackson I had been on my own for a couple of years. I had a stable job, a tidy, clean and simple apartment, good friends and I had started the journey to healing from the torment that my life had been. 

Why do I tell you this? Because I *know* what abuse is, in every form. However, I had a lot to learn. 

I bucked make authority. I was still fairly shy... But I did NOT want a MAN to tell me what to do. I hadn't had enough exposure to true male dominance. I assumed bossy men were arrogant asses... Because the ones I knew were. I bucked all forms of what I thought was violence and abuse. I became anti- gun, anti-spanking, anti-war, anti-drug. By being so, I formed these rather narrow-minded views. 

How wrong I was. By doing so, I judged. I make assumptions. I believed stereotypes. 

Somehow, by the grace of God, I met Jackson. 

This man blew me away. He was so very kind. He was gentle, sweet, considerate. I hadn't ever met anyone quite like that. His eyes crinkled at the corners and it melted me (it still does). Our first conversation we spent hours on the phone... I could never tire of hearing his kind, confident, deep voice. 

We started with a few dates. He kissed me. That kiss... It was magical. I'll never forget the feeling inside... I love him. I love him. That kiss, and I was his. 

I was quiet, shy, with a few wild streaks that occasionally shone through. I was complaint and he never demanded much. Then life happened. 

Tragedy, financial stress, pregnancy, babies, career changes, moves... You name it. 

I knew I loved him still (of course!) but I got comfortable with him and soon *I* was wearing the pants. I became feisty... Frustrated... Depressed. 

We needed a change. I started doing some reading. 

Huh... Maybe these bossy guys really aren't asses. Maybe there's something to all this. In this one story, a girl ran out of gas and her husband was concerned and angry she hadn't listened when he told her to fill up before she ran out. He put her over his knee and spanked her. Eek!!! That was HOT. And geez... She kind of dos deserve it. 

I googled ... 'I disobeyed and my boyfriend spanked me.' What?? This is a thing? Adults spank and not just for fun? Why?? 

I read on. 

Um... I want this.  So I talked to Jackson. He was a bit surprised, but we decided to give it a go. 

Fast forward  2 1/2 years... And we are a 100% full fledged domestic discipline couple. A lot has happened in those years of course... 

In learning DD all of my beliefs were questioned! I had already been going through an inner change. I had already started considering that all my pre-conceived notions and way I was raised as quite faulted. Could spanking work? Could I bow to a MAN'S wishes? Did I want to? 

Well, for us it DOES. We've found something that works beautifully for us. I'm no longer a judgemental person. In fact, I'm one of the least judgemental people you'll ever meet. Everyone has their story. Everyone has their reasons for things. That doesn't mean everything is ok, and we don't have morals, basic right and wrong... But that gray line is much bigger than I ever thought  possible. 

I've been told I'm brainwashed... I'm abused... I must lack intelligence...etc. 

I'm here to tell you I'm actually quite sane ;). I know what brainwashing is... There are some very close family members who are, in fact, effectively brainwashed even now. 

I know what abuse is. I've BEEN abused. I personally know people who are still in highly abusive relationships. 

Jackson loves me dearly. He ADORES me. Anyone who knows US knows that. We have a happy, peaceful, beautiful, STRONG relationship. He knows when I need a good spanking. He knows when I've broken a rule, or I'm getting antsy, grumpy... That I NEED the release of a spanking. He knows how much I need... When I need it... And why. He has my ultimate trust. 

All of this wasn't built in a day, though. We had to go through life changes. We had to go through some pretty awful struggles. In the end, we realised that him being in charge gives peace to our family. Me submitting to him gives him confidence in his abilities to lead. There is strength in submission. I do not do it blindly, but I do it in love. 

I'm sure tonight I will be spanked. It's been days since I have had more than a small reminder. I've actually been well behaved (shocker!) but I think we both need a good reset. 

I'm so very thankful for that. 

-Mary 💞

Its surprising how feisty I can be at times. This time of year- end of the school year- is so crazy busy its amazing I'm still sane. Sports are ending, and there's award ceremonies and festivities, scouts and field trips, field day, and luncheons at the school. Oh, and did I mention I work, too? Lol. Its a never-ending to-do list running in my head:  "don't forget the teacher's gifts...  RSVP for the event next week... Middle kid needs white shirt and blue shorts for Monday... younger kid's sneakers need replacing... older kid needs to remember things for science project... don't forget the glue and magnets for her... the bathroom upstairs needs cleaning... make sure the kids have their dirty clothes in the hamper... pay the camp fees... did you send in the sunscreen forms?... check emails... etc. etc. etc. 

So, naturally, I'm exhausted. It's like this all year, when you've got three kids involved in all kinds of things, and try to stay involved in the school, try to keep up on housework, keep up to date with everyone's schedules ALL THE TIME. However, end of year is exceptionally nutty. 

So, last night, we get the kids to bed. It's late. I forgot to defrost the chicken, so hubby runs to the local diner and gets us a meal. Oh yeah, clean the fridge and make a meal menu is also on that list. The oldest doesn't like meat, the middle one only wants meat, and the younger one doesn't like anything at the moment, hubby likes his potatoes and pasta, and I'm trying to watch carbs. 

I got this, right? 

Sigh. Kids finally asleep. Dishes are running in the dishwasher (managed to eek in some parenting skills with the youngest as I showed him how to load it correctly).  The dog's asleep. My house needs some more tidying, but the floor is swept, toys are away, and coats are hung up. That will do for now. Mama needs her feet up and a good book. 

I start reading. I am really getting into the book now... its sexy and fun, and the male character keeps me wondering. The female character is confused and I want to have a cup of tea with her and tell her it will be ok. 

Hubby sits next to me, cuddles up. He laughs at something on facebook, and shows me. I smile, humor him, but my mind is on sexy book and intense characters. 

He shows me something else... he starts to talk to me... he shows me something he's purchasing (that I do need to give input on.) He starts to order... and I start to get back to the lives of these two interesting characters. 

He's annoyed. He wants to talk to me, to spend time with me. All I want is to let my OWN life go at the moment. I've run around all day, with my constantly running mind, telling me what I need to do today, tomorrow, the weekend, before school ends, etc. I want to get engrossed in a book, and not worry about anyone else. Oh no, hubby wants to talk work. I love him and I need to support him. However, keeping up with ALL the names and abbreviations of his work.. oh, my brain can't take it. I start to get annoyed. I should be thankful my husband wants time with me. I start feeling myself becoming to unglue. He tells me he wants my attention and I spend too much time on my phone, too much time ignoring him when I should be listening. 

Fine. I take my phone and throw it down the length of the couch, fold my legs up and look at him expectantly. The book can wait.... deep sigh. I was really enjoying that. 

Oh, that was rude. He didn't like that. Another sigh. 

We talk for a while, and its time for bed. I confess to him that I was speeding today. I tried to get so much done today, and I was running late. I stayed with the line of traffic- well, mostly. But the fact is I knew I was going a good 5-10 miles faster than is responsible. He tells me I need a good spanking for my attitude and my speeding. I'm annoyed, on verge of crying. It's been a long day, with expectations from everyone, being pulled in every direction possible. I don't feel like I need one. Honestly I just want a back rub, some cuddles, maybe some gentle love making, and sleep. He tells me 'you sure do need one... more than you think.'

Fine. I whip off my clothes, and sit next to him, naked, bared to him, but the only thing submissive about me at the moment is that I'm naked to him. I'm radiating frustration, annoyance, exhaustion. He will NOT spank me like that, until I can submit to him, and acknowledge the fact that I both deserve and need a good spanking. So, we talk. The damn starts to open, and I'm grateful he will listen before punishing me. He's right... I should not speed. I should have a sore bottom for the next day to remind me to be responsible on the road. He's right... I need to let go of these frustrations. I need to TALK to him and tell him what's on my mind. When he asks me to put my phone down, I shouldn't take it huffily and throw it. That was rude, and uncalled for. 

He can sense I'm ready to submit, and puts me over his knee. He uses his hand- firm, stinging, willing me to submit. I do. Then he uses the solid wood paddle. He's enjoying this one lately, oy. It HURTS. I struggle with staying still, and start to cry. I never cry this early, if at all. However, the frustration starts to release... all the worry, all the chaos... it all starts to go away. I ask for a moment to gather myself so I may submit to the spanking and be respectful. I will myself to take the sting, and to let him do his job. I lay and take it... and the tears come. A good 20-30 swats or so, and he then goes to our single leather strap. Well worn, it does its job. He whips... I cry... and I can finally just LET GO. He tells me he can tell I don't need much tonight, and he thinks I've learned my lesson. Oh, thank goodness. Most of the time, I do need longer, harder. Tonight, though, the lesson has gotten through quickly, and I need HIM. He can sense that, and we cuddle, and make love. We reconnect. I look into his eyes- full of love, admiration. I ask him to look at me while he let's go.. and it's beautiful. I see all of HIS frustrations, all of his worries, disappear. I feel myself relax, and when we finish a beautiful, rather intense love making session, we are spent. We are tired, calm, one again with eachother.

He thanks me for renewing our commitment to eachother. I thank him for spanking me, and making me feel loved and safe. 

Feisty Mary is gone, replaced by submissive Mary. Annoyed Jackson is gone, replaced by happy, calm Jackson. 

Then, sleep comes. Blissful, peaceful, soul-healing sleep, as we lay in eachother's arms.

We've got this. 

Spent a good deal of time trying to figure out how to post pictures. I'll get it soon, promise. My last post was way more interesting with pictures lol. 


So.. what is DD... how is it defined? 

This can vary greatly among couples. 

I've heard some people say "when you spank your wife as punishment, DO NOT have sex afterwards." 

I've read some articles where the man says to the woman, something like, "honey, I'm sorry I have to do this. I need to spank you because I love you. Do you understand?" 

Some people pick out some bible verses and preach that it is a biblical command. They may take one text, or one chapter, and literally interpret it. 

NONE of that works for us, and that's ok. 

The beauty of a relationship- ANY relationship, is that it is unique. It is an ever-changing, unique blend of two people. Some DD relationships are men/men, women/women, femme domme/male sub, etc. None of them are WRONG- they just are. 

Some of us are stay at home moms, who wear very conservative clothing such as skirts and the like. Some of us have VERY defined roles. Some of us follow a church tradition. Some of us are totally in it for the kink. 

Jackson & I have a relationship that works for us. We have been practicing this relationship for a little over 2 years now. We have had breaks, we have had not-so-good times, we have had ups and we have had lows. We've been faced with tragedy (more than once), heartache, lack of trust, financial stress, illness, family issues, death of family, career changes... and we have survived. We were married about 10 years when we started this relationship, and DD has brought us closer... though we had to be drawn apart first, before we could come back together. 

Some day I may feel brave enough to discuss some of these pivotal moments that could have broken us... and very nearly did. 

But today I want to focus on US. I want to tell you, to have hope, and believe in yourself. 

I work... I love my job. I'm a labor and delivery nurse, at a rather large hospital. I LOVE it. He loves that I have a job I enjoy. I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I used to think I wanted to be home, and serve him, always. But now I realize, its just not ME, and that's ok. 

My husband likes me in dresses and skirts.. but they aren't always practical and I dont' always feel pretty in them. He enjoys me in a pair of jeans, shorts, capris...  He likes me to be my own self... I like jewelry, light makeup, and some style to my clothes. I like to express myself, and he enjoys that. He would not want me to be in a skirt all the time, serving him, a humble housewife. For US, that would not work. He likes that I'm a 'modern woman', yet I submit to him. He's the boss, he's in charge, and we like it like that.  THere are times I forget that, or I fail to give him the respect he deserves, and he has to remind me of it. Just this morning, in fact, I forgot to check in with him when I went out. He gently reminded me, "You haven't checked in. Where are you?" He may even punish me tonight to remind me that he is boss. 

Sex after punishment. This can be a hot topic. I've read a lot on it, and some people have asked me, "how can it be punishment if you're turned on by it, or if you make love afterwards?"  This is also highly individual. Believe me, I know the difference between a fun spanking and a punishment one. I have a very high pain tolerance, and he has to be VERY strict with me, and rather severe at times. I'll speak on this more at another time. My point in bringing this up, is that we know the difference. He scolds during both, and the tone, the severity, etc. is very clear as to what I'm getting, and why.  For us, most of the time, sex is a re-connection after punishment. It is him asserting his authority, him asserting that I am HIS, and me knowing I'm forgiven, and us re-uniting. 

To be held by him, after a punishment, followed by love making... well, there is nothing like it. I know I'm safe, beautiful, loved, cherished... HIS. 

Ah, the many uses of a man's tie.

Men.. We want this. We need this. So many of us want to be blindfolded and bound. It intensifies things. It makes a woman feel submissive... Claimed... Beautiful. There is something so feminine about being made to submit in this way.

By binding us, you free us.

How? Blindfolding and binding can make a woman very aware of herself... How helpless she is to the dominant man... Freeing us to be aware of our feminism, our beauty.

This is a huge act of trust.

There is strength in letting go. 

A square peg in a round hole...

Sometimes I wonder... Who am I? Where am I going? How did I get here? 

A square peg in a round hole. I don't 'fit in'. Or... Do I? Who does? Do I even want to?

I am working on embracing who I am. I'm a 30-something brunette with average length hair, 2.5 kids in an average home with a white picket fence. Heh. 

You know what though? There truly is nothing average about me, and I love my square peg, thankyouverymuch. 

I am starting to realize that I'm unique and that's pretty stinkin' cool. Right now, my little boy is snuggled up next to me and is playing a word game with me. He doesn't care that I haven't showered after work, or there are dishes in the sink.

 I worked last night and am off tonight. Nights like these I can embrace the part of me that enjoys being home. I can play 'housewife' and make dinner, bake cookies, and great my sweet Sir in an apron with a smile. I can play 'stay at home mom' and bathe my kiddos and tuck them in to bed. 

In a day or so, I'll work. I work full time, and the days vary. On those days, hubby will cart the kids to activities, make dinner and do the dishes. He may even do a to-do list I've given him. He will play my role for a while, and that's ok :)

Tonight, I know what he has planned... At least I can guess! Nowhere to go... he will get home... And our conservative, quiet, tame appearance  will fade away and we will fully embrace US. Me- his doting wife with a spitfire personality and an incredibly strong need to submit. Him- a sweet, adoring husband who will Dom the hell out of me. 

My hope is we will talk about our week...  My head on his chest, his arms around me. And then I'll slip on a nightie he loves... Or he will command me to wear nothing at all. 

He may tie me up...  He will likely give me a spanking to remind me of my place, and get me in a more submissive frame of mind. If there is any behavior that needs addressing, this is the time it's usually taken care of. 

An average couple may watch a show, turn out the lights, maybe have sex, or just go to sleep. 

Ah, bring on the square peg! Sweetheart... Tie me up... Talk dirty to me... grab my hair and claim what's yours. Look at me with those intense blue-grey eyes, full of love and adoration and CLAIM ME. 

This is not just play... This is us. Him- the leader, the one Keeping me accountable and safe. Me- his submissive. His little spitfire who needs taming and whipping and to be claimed. 

When he's finished with me, he will hold me close. There is *nothing* like a spanking, rough love making, and the blissful feeling of being cherished and adored as he drifts off in a peaceful sleep with me in his arms. All of the stress and worries of the day, gone, released. 

BLISS.