Busy few days here... Lots on my mind.
Today, I am just feeling incredibly grateful for what I have.
I was exposed to all kinds of abuse growing up. I didn't grow up in a loving, stable home. I had every excuse to get caught up in the wrong crowd... Flunk out of school... Get hooked up with a guy who didn't love me, as I looked for love. I can think of all kind of things I could have chosen, or felt forced into. I WAS forced into some awful things... But somehow I made it through. Somehow, there were good influences there. People I saw and wanted to be like. People in my life who tried to help me, even as their own hands were tied. There was obviously divine intervention more than once. I was blessed with intelligence... And that gave me the knowledge & strength to know I could seek better. So, I did.
I got my tuition paid for in college with my grades... Worked hard... Got a degree... Got OUT.
Praise God, I got out.
The day I met Jackson I had been on my own for a couple of years. I had a stable job, a tidy, clean and simple apartment, good friends and I had started the journey to healing from the torment that my life had been.
Why do I tell you this? Because I *know* what abuse is, in every form. However, I had a lot to learn.
I bucked make authority. I was still fairly shy... But I did NOT want a MAN to tell me what to do. I hadn't had enough exposure to true male dominance. I assumed bossy men were arrogant asses... Because the ones I knew were. I bucked all forms of what I thought was violence and abuse. I became anti- gun, anti-spanking, anti-war, anti-drug. By being so, I formed these rather narrow-minded views.
How wrong I was. By doing so, I judged. I make assumptions. I believed stereotypes.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I met Jackson.
This man blew me away. He was so very kind. He was gentle, sweet, considerate. I hadn't ever met anyone quite like that. His eyes crinkled at the corners and it melted me (it still does). Our first conversation we spent hours on the phone... I could never tire of hearing his kind, confident, deep voice.
We started with a few dates. He kissed me. That kiss... It was magical. I'll never forget the feeling inside... I love him. I love him. That kiss, and I was his.
I was quiet, shy, with a few wild streaks that occasionally shone through. I was complaint and he never demanded much. Then life happened.
Tragedy, financial stress, pregnancy, babies, career changes, moves... You name it.
I knew I loved him still (of course!) but I got comfortable with him and soon *I* was wearing the pants. I became feisty... Frustrated... Depressed.
We needed a change. I started doing some reading.
Huh... Maybe these bossy guys really aren't asses. Maybe there's something to all this. In this one story, a girl ran out of gas and her husband was concerned and angry she hadn't listened when he told her to fill up before she ran out. He put her over his knee and spanked her. Eek!!! That was HOT. And geez... She kind of dos deserve it.
I googled ... 'I disobeyed and my boyfriend spanked me.' What?? This is a thing? Adults spank and not just for fun? Why??
I read on.
Um... I want this. So I talked to Jackson. He was a bit surprised, but we decided to give it a go.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years... And we are a 100% full fledged domestic discipline couple. A lot has happened in those years of course...
In learning DD all of my beliefs were questioned! I had already been going through an inner change. I had already started considering that all my pre-conceived notions and way I was raised as quite faulted. Could spanking work? Could I bow to a MAN'S wishes? Did I want to?
Well, for us it DOES. We've found something that works beautifully for us. I'm no longer a judgemental person. In fact, I'm one of the least judgemental people you'll ever meet. Everyone has their story. Everyone has their reasons for things. That doesn't mean everything is ok, and we don't have morals, basic right and wrong... But that gray line is much bigger than I ever thought possible.
I've been told I'm brainwashed... I'm abused... I must lack intelligence...etc.
I'm here to tell you I'm actually quite sane ;). I know what brainwashing is... There are some very close family members who are, in fact, effectively brainwashed even now.
I know what abuse is. I've BEEN abused. I personally know people who are still in highly abusive relationships.
Jackson loves me dearly. He ADORES me. Anyone who knows US knows that. We have a happy, peaceful, beautiful, STRONG relationship. He knows when I need a good spanking. He knows when I've broken a rule, or I'm getting antsy, grumpy... That I NEED the release of a spanking. He knows how much I need... When I need it... And why. He has my ultimate trust.
All of this wasn't built in a day, though. We had to go through life changes. We had to go through some pretty awful struggles. In the end, we realised that him being in charge gives peace to our family. Me submitting to him gives him confidence in his abilities to lead. There is strength in submission. I do not do it blindly, but I do it in love.
I'm sure tonight I will be spanked. It's been days since I have had more than a small reminder. I've actually been well behaved (shocker!) but I think we both need a good reset.
I'm so very thankful for that.
-Mary 💞
Today, I am just feeling incredibly grateful for what I have.
I was exposed to all kinds of abuse growing up. I didn't grow up in a loving, stable home. I had every excuse to get caught up in the wrong crowd... Flunk out of school... Get hooked up with a guy who didn't love me, as I looked for love. I can think of all kind of things I could have chosen, or felt forced into. I WAS forced into some awful things... But somehow I made it through. Somehow, there were good influences there. People I saw and wanted to be like. People in my life who tried to help me, even as their own hands were tied. There was obviously divine intervention more than once. I was blessed with intelligence... And that gave me the knowledge & strength to know I could seek better. So, I did.
I got my tuition paid for in college with my grades... Worked hard... Got a degree... Got OUT.
Praise God, I got out.
The day I met Jackson I had been on my own for a couple of years. I had a stable job, a tidy, clean and simple apartment, good friends and I had started the journey to healing from the torment that my life had been.
Why do I tell you this? Because I *know* what abuse is, in every form. However, I had a lot to learn.
I bucked make authority. I was still fairly shy... But I did NOT want a MAN to tell me what to do. I hadn't had enough exposure to true male dominance. I assumed bossy men were arrogant asses... Because the ones I knew were. I bucked all forms of what I thought was violence and abuse. I became anti- gun, anti-spanking, anti-war, anti-drug. By being so, I formed these rather narrow-minded views.
How wrong I was. By doing so, I judged. I make assumptions. I believed stereotypes.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I met Jackson.
This man blew me away. He was so very kind. He was gentle, sweet, considerate. I hadn't ever met anyone quite like that. His eyes crinkled at the corners and it melted me (it still does). Our first conversation we spent hours on the phone... I could never tire of hearing his kind, confident, deep voice.
We started with a few dates. He kissed me. That kiss... It was magical. I'll never forget the feeling inside... I love him. I love him. That kiss, and I was his.
I was quiet, shy, with a few wild streaks that occasionally shone through. I was complaint and he never demanded much. Then life happened.
Tragedy, financial stress, pregnancy, babies, career changes, moves... You name it.
I knew I loved him still (of course!) but I got comfortable with him and soon *I* was wearing the pants. I became feisty... Frustrated... Depressed.
We needed a change. I started doing some reading.
Huh... Maybe these bossy guys really aren't asses. Maybe there's something to all this. In this one story, a girl ran out of gas and her husband was concerned and angry she hadn't listened when he told her to fill up before she ran out. He put her over his knee and spanked her. Eek!!! That was HOT. And geez... She kind of dos deserve it.
I googled ... 'I disobeyed and my boyfriend spanked me.' What?? This is a thing? Adults spank and not just for fun? Why??
I read on.
Um... I want this. So I talked to Jackson. He was a bit surprised, but we decided to give it a go.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years... And we are a 100% full fledged domestic discipline couple. A lot has happened in those years of course...
In learning DD all of my beliefs were questioned! I had already been going through an inner change. I had already started considering that all my pre-conceived notions and way I was raised as quite faulted. Could spanking work? Could I bow to a MAN'S wishes? Did I want to?
Well, for us it DOES. We've found something that works beautifully for us. I'm no longer a judgemental person. In fact, I'm one of the least judgemental people you'll ever meet. Everyone has their story. Everyone has their reasons for things. That doesn't mean everything is ok, and we don't have morals, basic right and wrong... But that gray line is much bigger than I ever thought possible.
I've been told I'm brainwashed... I'm abused... I must lack intelligence...etc.
I'm here to tell you I'm actually quite sane ;). I know what brainwashing is... There are some very close family members who are, in fact, effectively brainwashed even now.
I know what abuse is. I've BEEN abused. I personally know people who are still in highly abusive relationships.
Jackson loves me dearly. He ADORES me. Anyone who knows US knows that. We have a happy, peaceful, beautiful, STRONG relationship. He knows when I need a good spanking. He knows when I've broken a rule, or I'm getting antsy, grumpy... That I NEED the release of a spanking. He knows how much I need... When I need it... And why. He has my ultimate trust.
All of this wasn't built in a day, though. We had to go through life changes. We had to go through some pretty awful struggles. In the end, we realised that him being in charge gives peace to our family. Me submitting to him gives him confidence in his abilities to lead. There is strength in submission. I do not do it blindly, but I do it in love.
I'm sure tonight I will be spanked. It's been days since I have had more than a small reminder. I've actually been well behaved (shocker!) but I think we both need a good reset.
I'm so very thankful for that.
-Mary 💞
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